Wow man awesome work gettin urself out there.
The piano and instrumentation is all awesome, singing is tough man I know, the lyrics you wrote were super poetic, but it sounds like you're holding back from really getting the power of your voice out there, especially at about :45 seconds.
I know professional equipment can be hard to get cause money and shit, but the mic clips a bit.
The transition from the piano part and guitar part is kinda awkward and doesn't transition right, and then it sounds like the song cuts off short? Not sure if it was intentional. Anyways, rock on man!